just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
