So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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