his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
