well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
