Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize