Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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