Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
