And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Bring me that man meat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
