I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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