I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize