We're facebook friends in real life
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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