fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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