I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
