I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
