I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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