Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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