help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize