So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
