If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
