I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
