So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
