I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
