I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
