I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
