Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
