What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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