Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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