The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
