Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
