this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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