i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
