i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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