She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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