no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
"it" just moved
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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