She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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