we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
