I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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