She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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