mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize