Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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