Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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