fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's the barista slut.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
