I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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