I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
