I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
