you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
