My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
