I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
