Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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