At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
