dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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