The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
