She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
