Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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