He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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