Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
