do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
