I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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