Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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