kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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