And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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