Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
