I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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