$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize