hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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