eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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