I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
