What a fucking waste of an outfit
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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