so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
